Are relationships supposed to take this much work?
I hear you. The short answer is yes, healthy relationships take work. Most of the messaging we receive growing up comes from movies and other media (cue music here) like “once I find my prince charming, life will be grand” or “I just have to find the right person and then I will live happily ever after,” or “the right person will complete me and make me happy.” The happy faces and music and dancing into the sunset fantasies hide the reality of the necessary work that needs to be done to nurture a healthy relationship. We come together with our partner from two different families or origin, with different values and ways of dealing with life. When there is conflict, you may think something is wrong with you or your partner. The reality is that it’s more complicated. A certain amount of conflict is normal, healthy, and inevitable in a relationship. Too much conflict, however, can be corrosive.
My clients often say that they are stuck in the same fights and patterns with each other and don’t know how to change them. They express feeling confused by repeated behaviors and more conflict than they had at the beginning of their relationship. Being in relationship can be quite challenging but it also has the potential to be incredibly healing. My job is to help you sort out what might be underneath some of the common fights and to help you work things out more efficiently and respectfully so that you can go back to remembering what brought you together in the first place. We are each 100% responsible for our 50% in a relationship.
I have a deep respect for the power of relationships to force us to grow and change (ideally for the better!). Drawing from my Gottman Method Couples Therapy training (Level 2), and family systems and psychodynamic theory, I will help you to assess areas of strength and weakness in your relationship and to work on deepening your understanding of each other and learning healthier communication tools.